As we arrive in 2023

…Some journeys continue, new journeys begin, and other are coming to an end.

2022 is in our rearview mirror and for many of us the tendency is to declare “a new me” for 2023 or start the year with drastic life changes that are not sustainable and that end only in our own disappointment of self which in-turns steals our motivation and creates this narrative of failure.

While there is nothing wrong with making plans and declaring to become better versions of ourselves true change requires much more than just declarations, they require planning, acceptance for where you are financially, emotionally, mentally and physically. They require taking inventory of your time and resources and also require true self-reflection on some of the reasons why you want to change. Change and the motivation to change must begin with YOU.

It is okay if you are still working on a goal, not yet realized; stick with it. Remember the learning occurs during the journeying process, the destination is the reward. Take time to pause, smell the flowers, meet people reflect on what things mean about yourself and the people around you. Allow yourself the time to grow and mature, and don’t rush the process; you will appreciate the destination so much more.

For those of us who are beginning something new. It’s going to be scary, there will be apprehension, doubts and anxiety. During these beginning steps, remember it is okay to ask for help, especially from someone who has already traveled a similar path. Remember a miss step is not a failing or failure, but it is part of the learning. The advantage you have is that you have asked for help from someone that’s been there, which will minimize some of those mistakes. Minimize not eliminate.

And finally to those of us that are so close to their goal, that thing they have been working at and journeying through DON’T GIVE UP NOW. Sometimes towards the end it feels like we are pushing a boulder up a hill. This is a critical point because it is during this time most people are tempted to throw in the towel. Keep in mind, the reward is in arms reach. You will have to dig deep, but it will be worth it. All the time you’ve invested, all the tears, all the late nights will be represented in that accomplishment, get focused.

Your mental well-being is vital in any and all of the stages mentioned above. Here are a some practical practices that will help you with maintaining good mental health and in so help you achieve your goals:

• Connect with people- we need eachother and we need community.

• Get that body moving- regular exercise increases endorphins and helps us feel good about our bodies overall

• Prayer/meditation- Prayer has been proven even in secular circles to improve anxiety and depression.

• Gratitude lists- Remembering the good things, how far you have come and learned so far.

• Volunteering- Take time to volunteer your time. Helping others always helps us appreciate our own circumstances and knowing that we were the answer to someone else’s need helps us to feel purposeful.

And suddenly the holidays are upon us…

The holidays are upon us, and decorations are up in many of our homes. The chill in the air bring up memories of holidays past filled with whipped cream topped drinks, bright lights, and perhaps rituals and traditions celebrated with family and friends. For others, these memories tear at the inner most parts of them and remind them of the absence of people who are no longer in their lives. Truth is there are no fixes for these memories because memories keep loved ones alive in us and the capacity to love is one of the greatest gifts given to mankind

So what should we keep in mind in managing our own loneliness or that of a friend or family member this holiday?

To the lonely or grieving, it is important to find balance between participating in events and celebrations and staying home. For many there is a tendency to isolate and pull away, though this feels easy it ultimately only leads to more loneliness and leaves space to ruminate. Instead, attend events that are more intimate, spaces where it is possible to feel seen and connect with people at a deeper level. Consider creating room where you may even talk about a lost loved one openly and share good memories.

Friends/family be easy. I know you want to be helpful, but your friend/family may just not be up to attending that awesome, crowded event. Instead offer to do something more personal and intimate like things done at home. Cooking dinner for a small handful of close friends, going for walks with hot chocolate as the star, and most importantly leave space for them to talk or not talk. Let your friend/family the set the tone, and remember you’re not a therapist.

Friends/family it is okay to let your loved one know that you miss them, however, try to abstain from making them feel guilty for their absence. They more than likely feel badly enough for not being able to show up, and guilt tripping them will only force them to isolate even more. Instead, do check ins and always remind them that there is always a space for them.

To the lonely, remember it is okay to live out loud. Often times feeling lonely is more about feeling unseen. Ask yourself, have you been able to be authentic with the people that surround you, the people that you call your friends and family? If not, why not? Have you given your community the opportunity to know you? If not, perhaps this holiday is a great time to show them who you are and let the secret out. Dare to be authentic!

To the grieving, it is okay to go on living. You will be experiencing an array of emotions, and some days will be more difficult than others. But one of the most common feelings are that of survivors guilt. You deserve to go on, you will laugh again, enjoy things again and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Friends/family should refrain from saying things like “it’s time to just get back out there” or “how long are you going to sulk for.” Grieving is an individual process and the process is different for everyone. Please do not place a timetable on your loved ones grief, instead create a space for them and meet them wherever they are in their process. Be honest with yourself if it’s too much for you to handle and be honest with your loved one.

And finally, and most importantly, lead with love during the holidays and really all year around. Be mindful of the people you generally take for granted and don’t pay attention to. Everyone deserves to be seen and loved and told that they are seen and loved. Remember that the holidays are not about the money we spend but the memories being made.